Because sometimes… the truth isn’t good enough. Sometimes people deserve more....– Batman - The Dark Knight (via dchin617)
Anonymous asked: hey sexy ;) where do you live?
You asked if I’ve managed before, yeah a house full of kids. Taught me how to...– Fiona (via fucking-gallaghers-caps)
Also you never use toilet paper on your dick after you take a piss. Tap the end,...– Lip (via fucking-gallaghers-caps)
Jimmy lives in Lake Forest with his doctor father and drunk mother. They think...– Debbie (via fucking-gallaghers-caps)
It’s not masturbating if nothing comes out.– Carl (via fucking-gallaghers-caps)
Linda: (shows her husband the security tape) Does anything look different to you?
Linda: You don't see the camera? It's like it moved just a little bit. There.
Kash: Register matches inventory.
Linda: Yeah, you're right. I should probably shut it off. But then I'd miss the part where you take it up the ass from a teenage boy. Here it is. Billy cornholing the father of my children. Must be big, judging from the grimace on your face.
Doctor: Have you ever done a testicular self-examination?
Frank: Oh, God, no. I say leave those three bad boys down there alone.
Doctor: Yeah, well, that's the problem. Should only be two testicles invited to this party.